As many of you know, this quarter our community inquiry has been about the subject of S#X
With all the talk about this subject, it makes sense to take a look at consent in that context. This is a big topic right now. So… what is consent REALLY?
The dictionary says consent is - (noun) permission for something to happen or agreement to do something
When it comes to s#x, things get murky. Let’s face it, when humans are involved, lots of things get murky. This happens in part because two people tend to interpret what is happening (or could happen) differently. This has huge consequences when the thing we are talking about is so intimate.
The other nuance that gets missed is that consent to one thing doesn’t equal consent to all things (or even other things).
We did some looking around and what follows is what Planned Parenthood has to teach about consent as it relates to s#x. Simple and direct...
"Consent means actively agreeing to be s#xual with someone. Consent lets someone know that s#x is wanted. s#xual activity without consent is rape or s#xual assault."
The FRIES model says it very well
Freely given. Consenting is a choice you make without pressure, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
Reversible. Anyone can change their mind about what they feel like doing, anytime. Even if you’ve done it before, and even if you’re both naked in bed.
Informed. You can only consent to something if you have the full story. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t full consent.
Enthusiastic. When it comes to s#x, you should only do stuff you WANT to do, not things that you feel you’re expected to do.
Specific. Saying yes to one thing (like going to the bedroom to make out) doesn’t mean you’ve said yes to others (like having s#x).
See what else Planned Parenthood has to say about consent HERE, along with how to talk about it, etc.
Note: We are not talking about the legal definitions of consent which may vary from location to location. We are talking about consent. Period.
For a simple, and even more fun explanation of what is and isn't consent, watch this short video (3m).
The most important aspect of all this is our ability to freely talk about S.#.X.
and not just IF we are a yes, but what are we saying yes or no to EXACTLY.
