More about Anger ...
In our last installment, we dipped into the subject of anger, specifically anger in women. It was clear there is a LOT to say on this subject so we continue the inquiry …
We began by noticing how we have been indoctrinated into the idea that anger in women is bad and must be avoided, suppressed, and my personal favorite, transformed out of us. Instead, we considered that anger is a natural and vital aspect of our emotional body and should be related to as a kind of alarm system. Rather than working to get rid of the anger, or relate to it as a personal problem to be dealt with internally, look at what the anger is alerting you to.
As we discussed the subject further in our weekly Goddess Talk, the depth and impact of this line of inquiry really showed up. This included the desire to jump to some answer, like what should we DO about it? As with all emotions that are considered “negative” our impulse (in large part due to conditioning) is to resolve it and move on. The problem is, our emotional body doesn’t work that way … emotions are not linear or something we ever get “over”. What we can get is recognizing the emotion and how to use this alert system in a healthy way over unhealthy ways.
So let’s dive a bit into the unhealthy ways anger impacts us...
It was said best by Goddess Guide Ellen Snortland when she shared - unacknowledged or repressed anger gets acted out in compulsive behaviors. Compulsions include such things as… eating the whole cake (my personal favorite), smoking, drinking and all other types of self-harming behaviors.
While self-harm is typically related to things we do on purpose or knowingly to cause harm to ourselves, we are purposefully including compulsive behaviors as self-harming even though they are often subconscious. Compulsive acts are almost always not good for our overall well-being.
Compulsion (noun); an irresistible urge to behave in a certain way, especially against one's conscious wishes
We have trained ourselves to suppress anger so much that sometimes we don’t see these compulsive behaviors as an aspect of the anger alarm. We don’t relate to it as the REALLY loud alarm that it is. The behavior is a distraction, there to try and tamp down the alarm.
The other primary unhealthy way anger gets expressed is misdirection. We alluded to this last week, women often misdirect their anger towards themselves. We often also get angry at, or about, things that feel safer than getting angry at the actual perpetrator, especially when that person or circumstance feels unchangeable or too scary.
Now let's look at the healthy side of feeling our anger.
Guide, Tien Neo Eamas, pointed out to me this week that the Chinese phrase for anger, “shen chi”, translates to “give birth to (shen) life or fire (chi)”.
Anger can be a purifying and activating energy. Anger (fire) burns away debris and helps clarify. This can be very cleansing. Trauma recovery often includes a step in which the victim owns the right to be angry and uncovers for themselves, the appropriate perpetrator.
When clarity is reached, then and only then can we take appropriate and healthy action. The energy of anger then propels us to act (aka the give birth part).
Another valuable aspect of anger can be protection. Our anger, when held lightly and with respect, can support us to hold boundaries. This is especially true when we are new to boundary setting. Boundaries are the healthy way to keep ourselves safe emotionally and physically, however, when we are new to holding them the heat and energy of anger (think red shield) can support us to stay on track. The trick is to remember this shield of anger is for us and not to be used to attack others.
This is all we have to say for today. We shall see if more bubbles up as we allow the embers to smolder.
